How far is too far?
"Why does everyone in the "society" makes a big deal about having sex before marriage"?, Amit says.
"Do you feel that pre-marital sex is a question of morality, self-restraint or of sin"?, He continues.
"No. There has to be a more objective approach. Sex just for fun and without responsibility is something I don't encourage.", I told him.
He says he's had a physical relationship with his girlfriend and it got them closer. They spent a lot of time together and learnt to listen to each other a lot more. He believes that sex before marriage can be beneficial and that sexual compatibility contributes a long way to a happy and a complete marriage. He says, technically it is right for people to say that love is more important than sex, but people who claim that they could have a happy marriage without being sexually compatible with their partner is just not being true to him/herself.
My say on this topic is that most people say that waiting for marriage will make sex much better, and that if you are not a virgin at the time of ur marriage, you are taking away something meant specially for your spouse. I want to know the 'reasoning' behind this. My argument is that anyone who has waited till marriage to have a sexual relationship has no reason for comparisonm, because they don't know that their feelings for sex with their partners would be any different had they engaged into pre-marital sex. I don't know what constitutes a marriage more - making love or being in love? . I find it hard to believe that if you are not a virgin when you are married means you and your spouse cannot share a beautiful thing. Instead I tend to believe that the reason behing waiting for marriage is just to avoid mistakes such as pregnancy. I believe that if you are truly in love, then there is nothing wrong in expressing your feelings by the art of touch. I am not advocating premarital sex per se. I am just saying I don't need a piece of paper to remind me who I love!
How many of you agree with abstinence of sex until marriage?. I do want to understand your thoughts on this. Do comment. Mebbe I am missing something that others are seeing so clearly.
"Do you feel that pre-marital sex is a question of morality, self-restraint or of sin"?, He continues.
"No. There has to be a more objective approach. Sex just for fun and without responsibility is something I don't encourage.", I told him.
He says he's had a physical relationship with his girlfriend and it got them closer. They spent a lot of time together and learnt to listen to each other a lot more. He believes that sex before marriage can be beneficial and that sexual compatibility contributes a long way to a happy and a complete marriage. He says, technically it is right for people to say that love is more important than sex, but people who claim that they could have a happy marriage without being sexually compatible with their partner is just not being true to him/herself.
My say on this topic is that most people say that waiting for marriage will make sex much better, and that if you are not a virgin at the time of ur marriage, you are taking away something meant specially for your spouse. I want to know the 'reasoning' behind this. My argument is that anyone who has waited till marriage to have a sexual relationship has no reason for comparisonm, because they don't know that their feelings for sex with their partners would be any different had they engaged into pre-marital sex. I don't know what constitutes a marriage more - making love or being in love? . I find it hard to believe that if you are not a virgin when you are married means you and your spouse cannot share a beautiful thing. Instead I tend to believe that the reason behing waiting for marriage is just to avoid mistakes such as pregnancy. I believe that if you are truly in love, then there is nothing wrong in expressing your feelings by the art of touch. I am not advocating premarital sex per se. I am just saying I don't need a piece of paper to remind me who I love!
How many of you agree with abstinence of sex until marriage?. I do want to understand your thoughts on this. Do comment. Mebbe I am missing something that others are seeing so clearly.
posted by Unknown at 12:20 PM
53 Comments:
Hi Niks,
Good Morning! Shall come back and read the post. Just read a few lines...nice topic.
C ya.
Amit.H
** I believe that if you are truly in love, then there is nothing wrong in expressing your feelings by the art of touch.
I agree with that too. But the problem is that not alot of young ppl know what Love really is until after they do it all and regret it was just Lust.
Keshi.
"I believe that if you are truly in love, then there is nothing wrong in expressing your feelings by the art of touch"
i agree...n i am happy that the person above me also agreed this...cuz i just wanted to keep myself away when i used to like sum1.
Hi Nixi,
Nice Post.......
I agree with you, as I don't thing we should make it a big deal if two people feel comfortable in expressing theirself Physically. But yes we have to remeber one very imp thing that incase if the relationship doesn't work you shouldn't repend your actions. You should remeber the good times you shared with someone special and learn from your mistakes (if made any), so that it help you in growing as a Human Being and also in your future relationships.
FK.
Niki,
Nice topic to debate on. I think its a personal choice. Me personally, I don't think that it matters much either way...I think that this decision is one that we'll have to make considering our own personal circumstances...and this is the one piece of advice that I would give to every couple struggling with this problem: what's right for others might not be right for you.
*~Richa~*
Niki,
Sexual union is the ultimate act of givingness, openness, trust and honesty. I dnt feel its wrong b4 marriage.
~Sheetal.
Niki,
Personally, I think its just a practical choice. I went out with a girl who wasn't a virgin, except I thought she was until about 3 months into our relationship. Finding out was the most emotionally painful experience of my life, and ultimately it destroyed our relationship. Its not that I couldn't forgive her, its just that I wasn't emotionally strong enough to deal with it.
Having said that, I do think premarital sex is wrong. If two people aren't prepared to commit to each other in an official marriage, then they're not committed enough to have sex.
Rahul.
Personally I felt pre-marital sex was wrong. What is a point of first night? If one had pre-marital sex, he or she already had the first nite? Didn't they ? The excitment of having sex the first time..The way both people learn things in their first nite is way different..Its just an experience in itself.
But as I grew older my views changed that virginity is not a criteria on finding a gal. There are lot more important stuff in life you expect from that person than being virgin.
Trust,Care and Love which I feel can make up for everything else.
I agree with what Keshi wrote
" the problem is that not alot of young ppl know what Love really is until after they do it all and regret it was just Lust"
Becoz if it was Love that person would never ever leave the other person. No matter how worst is the situation.
You have sex with someone you trust. Not just with anyone. Someone who would fight for you with the world.
"I agree expressing your feelings with the art of touch is needed"
It's just that expressing the feeling varies from person to person.It's finally personal choice where you draw line.
I agree with everyone from Keshi to Rahul. Sex is by personal choice after all.
Nice Post.
-AJ
Nikita,
The problem with canned morality is that life doesn't happen according to a script. There are other ways that are just as good, and better for the people they affect. The world is too large for one religion. Marriage has nothing to do with premarital sex. Marriage is a man-made concept. There is no marriage in the jungle. There are life-partners. Ducks and lions are generally monogamous. Cats and dogs generally are not. Humans can go either way.
-Amit.H
Nikita,
Browsing thru blos and came across urs..u have a nice one. always updated. Read some of ur past blogs and it was painful to read of what you went thru.
Live to the fullest
Age to the fullest
Get bald to the fullest
...and if possible,Die with a smile.
That's my motto. Now that being said,to answer your question: Is premarital sex right or wrong? I say that there is no right or wrong. What is "right" for one person may not seem "right" for another.Quoting George Lucas,"There is no good or bad.It's just a point of view." The same can be said for right or wrong.
Chintan.
Keshi
young ppl know what Love really is
I don't think this is a case of maturity.It's rather a mentality.
Abhishek
You kept urself away from someone u liked.
What I feel is that no person can say what's right sexually for anyone but themselves. Don't get physical just because someone tells you it's out of date or uncool not to be in intimacy. On the other hand if you want to, if the situation comes up and it feels right, then don't limit yourself. Just be safe and clean about it.
Farhana
I say whatever works best for you and makes you happiest is what you should do. Different lifestyles work for different people. One person may be perfectly happy being absitent until marraige and monogomous in marraige. Another may be happiest being a pansexual swinger. Some people feel sex is deeply intertwined with love, others think it's fine as a purely physical pleasure. It's your personal choice whether to abstain from it or give in into it as and how the situation arises.
Richa
I guess for me what really governs whether a couple is ready for sex or not is if they actually love eachother. I am not talking about being 'in love', which most couples are before they reach a certian level of maturity (either from age or experience).
A person must realize that engaging in premarital sex DOES have a decent risk of serious consequences. The results of one night of passion can very easliy turn into a lifetime of regret. Be warned and be ready to accept the natural consequences of your actions.
Sheetal
Yup, true! As far as the consequences are concerned..if both are willing to share them...no problemo!
Rahul
Why does it all boil down to marriage? Is marriage all abt having sex? If not, and if marriage is a lot more than havng sex, then why wait until marriage?
And I am not speaking of having sex with any person you meet. All I am saying is that it is not wrong to get intimate with ther person you are committed to...getting married or not is another side of the story.
AJ
First nights did I hear you speak of? Does having sex on the first night with the partner you are married to bring any gurantee of a long lasting r'ship? Why does the committment factor disappear when two people having sex on the "FIRST" night file in for a divorce even before they celebrate their 'FIRST' anniversary?
What different do people learn when they engage in "FIRST-TIME-SEX" and sex on the "FIRST NIGHT"? Majority of the times it's only the partners that are different.
Becoz if it was Love that person would never ever leave the other person.
I disagree. I know of people who have parted ways despite being in love with each other, due to circumstances than their own selfish motives.
Someone who would fight for you with the world.
Is fighting with the world a pre-requisite to having sex? Say, for eg. You like a person today, u get intimate, you stand up for your r'ship against the world..and 6 months down the line you realize that the person you love so much is not the right kinda person for you..he is the one who takes you for granted and tortures you physically or mentally? Would u still stay in that r'ship just cause you had sex and you fought up for it?
Yes, sex is an individual choice. Love/committment/marriage has nothing to do with it.
Amit
A piece of paper or a holy man saying "you are now wed" is not what will make me love and cherish my partner. Rather it is the friendship, the love, the emotional bond... And most of those marriages that end in divorce are due to an immature decision to get married. Getting married doesn't automatically impose commitment on the relationship
I agree with you.
Chintan
Welcome to ma blog.
Life was never meant to be easy for anyone. Each one's plate has its share of trials and troubles in life. I thank God for make me experience those difficult times..'cause it made me stronger today.
All I have to say is that if you feel you did nothing wrong and were perfectly happy with it, I would say you made the right choice.
As far as morality is concerned, moral values change from
country to country, things moral in india r immoral in other
countries and vice versa. In india moral values were and r
created,decided by priests and politicians and both r
bullshits. They have condemmed sex, hypnotized people with
wrong beliefs and dogmas,they made sex somethin serious, so
people feel guilty for just reading, discussing, watching
somethin about sex.
I think new generations emphasis shouldn't be on moral values
but on "values of life ".
Sex should be fun,normal thing.
In india sex not available freely so people try by other
means like prostitutes,dance bars, rapes all these r result
of condemming sex.
Whereas people in western countries have it abundantly so
they r turning towards god, last week i read in newspaper
that asians search mostly for sex on google while westerners
search for god.
Tantra says that boys and girls r most potent at the age of
17-18 , after that they start losing there vitality and
vigour, they never ll be able to experience orgasm.
If we r going to wait for marraiges which in india happen at
age of 25-30 i think we miss the real thing.
"I believe that if you are truly in love, then there is
nothing wrong in expressing your feelings by the art of
touch"
Perfect, but why just touch ?
" I find it hard to believe that if you are not a virgin when
you are married means you and your spouse cannot share a
beautiful thing."
If man is going to marry a woman for that beautiful thing,
its going to be a failure.
"Instead I tend to believe that the reason behind waiting for
marriage is just to avoid mistakes such as pregnancy."
Ohh nowadays we got a hell lot of contraceptives.
"Why does everyone in the "society" makes a big deal about
having sex before marriage"?
Because people's mind have been polluted by priests and
politicians.We need brainwash, no i think we need education.
We need to build a right perspective towards sex.
If two people no problems in having, the society shouldn't
bother.
It should not be just bodily,not from lust point of view ,
but from love point of view.
Two energies meet each other and explore themselves.
It should be a fun.
Tantra recommends sex without ejaculation, that is real sex.
Ejaculation is loss of vital energy, when two bodies melt
into each other without ejaculation they experience real
bliss.
Well what haunts me to is can we live without marriages ?
i think YES we can.
-sp
**I don't think this is a case of maturity.It's rather a mentality.
true Niki but it's often young ppl who mix up Lust with Love :)
Keshi.
SP
I totally agree with you. I feel it is high time we move out of the cultural boundaries we have set for ourselves. I think it's important to differentiate between sex for purely physical pleasure versus two people who truly love each other and are not married.
SP
As far as your question on whether we can live without marriage, I wouldn't want to live alone. I feel marriage is important. However, ur priorities in focus, long term goals & attitude in Life should be major factors on taking the decision.
We first need to understand what morality is. . . . All our questions and doubts about morality centre around sex, polygamy/monogamy and what not. Infact it wouldnt be wrong to say that we are such narrow minded creeps that we have reduced morality to abstinance from sex. Sex ix natural. Marriage is not. Morality too is not natural.
What is morality? where does morality come from? whats the basis of morality?
I think when we talk about morality there are certain fundamental principles we talk about
1. Universal harmony
whats universal harmony, universalise what you are doing, imagine how would the world be if everyone does what you are doing. . . for example you feel your friend has a better pencil than you have and you just flick it. . imagine and extend the idea, everyone would be a thief and nothing would be yours ever, you would hardly be able to trust anyone on earth.
take another example. . eating for taste ( and not for hunger) given a bowl of gulab jamuns you eat the whole of it . . come on you love it and you can not resist . . . Imagine how would the world be if everyone did that. . we would have a generation of unhealthy fat affluent people . . . and malnutritioned poor. . . the word healthy and fit would just be an imagination...
Take another example. . . pre-marital sex. . and this whole thing of justifying it. . . . imagine and you will have a society no body would know his father. . imagine . . and theres a lot that can be written here ...
2. responsibility and discipline . . . well yes responsibility and discipline decide what's moral and what's not.. . eating a lot may be as immoral as sex. . . and yes our reflex to a titilation is many a times immoral. . . what we do for our needs is not. . . sex for fun is immoral, eating for taste is as immoral theoretically... sex for love. . . do u understand that? or love for sex. . . ? do u understand any of these. . . i think thats just a lie for sex. . . .
having your bread and butter may be moral. . . only butter may not be . . . it is bad for health too...
bread and butter when rightly earned is good . . . and moral. . . otherwise it may not be
its the same about marriage and sex. . marriage being rightly earning it. . love being the bread and sex being the butter
I believe that if you are truly in love, then there is nothing wrong in expressing your feelings by the art of touch.
When and how do you know if you are truly in love? doesnt it always feel the same ?
I think it can only be decided when you have lived your life completely. before that its all transient.
-AA
Sex is part of Marriage. It's art of making love. Love has different forms and this is one of them.
You don't have sex with any person.
As Sheetal wrote ***Sexual union is the "ultimate" act of givingness, openness, trust and honesty.***
If everyone started having pre-marital sex with different partners then they are married to where does givingness, openness, trust and honesty go?
You already gave it to one person now you are giving it to another person.
Like if one had many boyfriends/girlfriends before they got married & they had sex with all of them becoz they had so called love between them. So they gave same level of givingness, openness, trust and honesty to each of their bf's / gf's. This is an interesting modern concept. I wouldn't expect this from my daughter.
There won't be any difference between animal and human if we also change are sex partners like them due to circumstances. Finally we blame it all to the circumstances.
One needs to know the where to draw the line. Everything within a limit is good.
-AJ
Changes to the line in above post
***I wouldn't expect this from my daughter.***
read as
***I wouldn't expect this from my daughter or son.***
Yes they can have bf and gf but have to make sure that they are committed to the relationship before giving up their Trust to that other person.
There is more to relationship then sex.
-AJ
I think sex if for procreation and not recreation.
Thats the reason it should be after marriage, because procreation should be after marriage, thats again for the progeny
sex for any other reason is immoral.
thats the absolute of morality
we all are immoral in certain degrees. it all depends on how permisive we are.
Its all about convenience
-AA
if you are losing something and u dont know what u are losing does not mean u are losing nothing.
Character once lost is not easily regained.
Amit
Different times and cultures saw different levels of ceremony attached to marriage. Do you really believe that everyone who doesn't believe premarital sex is wrong has no sexual morality? The world is lot more complicated than that. With marriage's history as a property institution and the current de-sanctification of the sacrament, I think it is more immoral to simply get married so you have an excuse to have sex. Sexual immorality and sex before marriage can be two totally different things.
AJ
You don't have sex with any person.
Was I talking of sex with any person anywhere in my post?
If everyone started having pre-marital sex with different partners
I wasn't even talking of multiple partners here!!
You already gave it to one person now you are giving it to another person.
As "AA" pointed out in his comment..how wud u really know it is love? Are you trying to say that if one person who was in a r'ship and was sexually involved should not get married or hooked onto with anyone else, if his/her previous r'ship doesn't work? This way we'd have 1/2 of the population living the life of hermits.
Finally we blame it all to the circumstances.
People who blame it on circumstances are highly immatured people. I was stressing on the point that if 2 ppl are sexually involved and are ready to take on the responsibilities (if any) thereafter, being sexually involved with your partner is not wrong.
Niki,
I was stressing on the point that if 2 ppl are sexually involved and are ready to take on the responsibilities (if any) thereafter, being sexually involved with your partner is not wrong.
---
how do you know they are ready to take on the responsibilities, before they are married.??
and then why sex before they actually take on the responsibility.
I mean they can be ready to take on the responsibility and can be ready to to be sexually involved. but theat does not mean they be sexually involved just when they are merely ready to t take on the responsibility. and marriage is not just a piece of paper, it is taking on the responsibility. why do people actiually want the sex first and the responsibility later? I think they should be sexually involved when they actually take on the responsibility. the whole idea of taking the responsibilities later and being seually involved is somewhat incomprehensible.
----
you said:
Different times and cultures saw different levels of ceremony attached to marriage. Do you really believe that everyone who doesn't believe premarital sex is wrong has no sexual morality? The world is lot more complicated than that. With marriage's history as a property institution and the current de-sanctification of the sacrament, I think it is more immoral to simply get married so you have an excuse to have sex. Sexual immorality and sex before marriage can be two totally different things.
---
For me the term sexual morality does not exist. For me morality means making use of our faculties for the purpose they are meant for. post moarital sex for recreation is as not-moral as premarital sex. sex for recreation is not-moral if not precisely immoral. nothing is immoral for that matter. and all of us do things that are not-moral not-moral here is not the same as immoral.
sex is for procreation and thats what it is for, for anything else its about succumbing to titilation.
so eating for taste is not-moral. eating to satisfy your hunger is not not-moral.
---
I think it is more immoral to simply get married so you have an excuse to have sex.
----
nobody does that. nobody gets married to have an excuse to have sex, getting married involves taking up responsibilities and those who get married know perfectly well about the responsibilities they take up
its only when people talk about pre-marital sex and justify it that they are actually talking about running away from responsibilities. they are talking about sex first and responsibilities later. being ready for getting married is not the same as getting married, being ready for to take up the responsibilities is not the same as taking up the responsibilities.
and the issue centers around sex. . why at all? why does it not center around responsibilities?
I think it is more immoral to simply get married so you have an excuse to have sex.
how can you actually say that niki, ? how can we say that people who actually take up the responsibility first, well in deed by getting married can do it as an excuse for sex?
and even if they are doing it for sex they are actually taking up the reponsibility first, they are getting married first, they are not running away from it, they are accepting the responsibility, resolving to commit to each other before entering into a sexual relationship.
how can you actually get married so you have an excuse to have sex?
you get married you take up the responsibility . . there is no question of being ready for it here you have actually done it by the very act of getting married.. . . regarding having an excuse to have sex..... you dont need an excuse for that.... its commonly available
i dont think anyone would ever get married for an excuse to have sex... its ridiculous...its fundamentally wrong. . sex is available all the time comonly available without an excuse... excuse is not needed...
---
2 ppl are sexually involved and are ready to take on the responsibilities (if any) thereafter, being sexually involved with your partner is not wrong.
---
this sounds more like an excuse. frankly... and the excuse here is being ready to take on the responsibility when the responsibility has not already been taken.
this is not just an excuse .. . . its much more than that....
and for those who think marriage is just a piece of paper . . . why not have that piece of paper first if its just that whats the big deal?
its because they know its not just that...
Do you really believe that everyone who doesn't believe premarital sex is wrong has no sexual morality?
Niki, nothing is wrong or right. Its only apropriate and inapropriate. those who want to get married and stronly believe in marriage, pre-marital sex may be inapropriate. Those who fear marriage, it may not be. for those who fear marriage..... the very idea of pre marital sex is does not exist .... only the idea of sex exists ..... thats because they fear marriage and they dont want marriage... so its niether the pre nor the post ... its just sex for them....
Morality i think is misunderstood..... i think we should understand what morality is in principle ....the idea of sexual morality disappears .... only the idea of morality remains....
those who talk about sexual morality give more of an emphasis to sexual morality then morality itself... morality is more important.... and it exists in everything.... even in our fooding habits ...... and if we are immoral in our eating thats not less than being sexually immoral.
sexually immoral is not more immoral than any other immoral.... unfortuanately, thats not what we believe as a society and so pre-marital sex considered more of a sin (than just immoral).....
I think immorality is all a matter of lack of discipline .... and so one must get disciplined some time in lfe.... that happens only when one realises that it actually is a lack of discipline .... and it harms us....
its for ourselves... morality is for ourselves.... but it affects the whole universe.... it affects everyone.... just like a rash driver on road affects everyone on road.... proper driving is good for the driver first... and if one rash driver gets disciplined it does help everyone else on road.
----
regarding the world being complicated.... I think we all are centres of our worlds..... and our world is as complicated as we are...
****>Was I talking of sex with any person anywhere in my post?
"any person" here meant the person who just didn't have any feeling of love and just seem to show it becoz that person had lust. Love is very much confused with lust.
Marriages don't end up in divorces at the rate of which break ups happen. Marriages don't happen for
sex. It's does tie ppl in conjugal bliss and its not just something written on piece of paper.
****>I wasn't even talking of multiple partners here!!
Sorry I too wasn't talking about multiple partner too. You have misunderstood my statement. I meant If I had a gf and was sexually involved with her, then a year later I break up and hook up with another gal. And that went on with my life, every year having a different gal and being sexually active in all my rships.
That means I have given "the ultimate act of givingness, openness, trust and honesty to all of them." RIGHT ? And then I get married and I give the same to my wife. Is that right too?
The meaning of "Ultimate Act of Givingness, Openness, Trust and Honesty" doesn't have any value. Something that is unique has a highest price. Something that given to all its value decreases.
****>Are you trying to say that if one person who was in a r'ship and was sexually involved should not get married or hooked onto with anyone else, if his/her previous r'ship doesn't work?
No, I am not saying that if one rship breaks you cannot get married or hooked to another one.
Question was abt pre-marital sex in rship. I am saying you don't give yourself in the rship unless you know that person is really worth it.
You won't know untill marriage or may be some years down the marriage whether that guy or gal is really someone who loves you.
I am sure if that guy/gal loves you, he/she will wait for that sex till the time he/she is responsible enough to take charge of their lives together. You can call it marriage. Give whatever name you want.
You don't need to perform trial and error method for rships and have pre-marital sex with all ur rships till you find the right one with whom you decide to get married.
If you really feel the need to have sex at particular age. Feel you and the other person are responsible enough then they should get married.
It's lust, attraction not Love where ppl get very confused. What Keshi and Sheetal wrote is very true indeed.
-AJ
With marriage's history as a property institution and the current de-sanctification of the sacrament, I think it is more immoral to simply get married so you have an excuse to have sex
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With marriage's history as a property institution and the current de-sanctification of the sacrament
--
religion has degraded a lot already so there is no sacrament frankly
marriage has got little to do with religion.
its more about actually taking up responsibility and accepting that in public.
----
The westerners think that sex is an expression of love... Indians also think that... and kamasutra was written here.... but monogamy is also prescribed in kamasutra
I think the urge for physical expression of love is strong it sure is.... but its worth waiting to get married.... its a matter of control .....
Amit
Amit, I wasn't speaking of responsibilties that come with a marriage. I was talking of taking the responsibility of the consequences that would occur.
I agree marriage is about responsibility. But, what makes you feel that people who are married are more responsible than people who are not? Does having sex before marriage make you a "less" responsible person?
Exactly, what I was trying to say. I, too feel that getting married to acquire a license to have sex is wrong.
Anonymous
Why do you feel that engaging in pre-marital sex makes you loose your character?
Amit
i dont think anyone would ever get married for an excuse to have sex... its ridiculous...its fundamentally wrong. . sex is available all the time comonly available without an excuse... excuse is not needed...
People who speak of being ethical and brag abt being moral in behaviour do that. They get married so to have "free" sex. Yup, sex is available in every corner of the world; are you trying to say that people who visit prostitues, or are involved in rape, have no reason behind their act?
AJ
Does anyone in this worl come with a guarantee tag? How are you to ascertain that the person you are involved with is not going to kick you on ur a** at some point in life?
I neva said that you have to be sexually involved with every partner. Each experience in life makes you learn something. If you're first r'ship did not materialize, and if you were sexually involved, it does not mean that you cannot be married or it is something that you can't give ur wife.
It's lust, attraction not Love where ppl get very confused
Love for you might be holding hands and for someone it mite be having sex. Who is right? And who justifies it?
Amit
but its worth waiting to get married.... its a matter of control .....
I respect your views. Some might not feel the same.
People who speak of being ethical and brag abt being moral in behaviour do that. They get married so to have "free" sex.
this seems biased
nobody can have "free sex" after getting married. Its impossible. the very act of getting married means its not "free". they actually get married and they actually take up each other's responsibility in deeds.
sex without marriage is "free". people who get into pre-marital sex are looking for "free" sex I guess. and its more so in deed than in words. here the responsibility is more in words than in deed.... it all evaporates the moment its sunny
Its never free. either ways. whatever people be looking for. How one wish to "pay" for it is for the individual to decide
>Does anyone in this worl come with a guarantee tag?
No one comes with a guarantee tag.
>How are you to ascertain that the person you are involved with is not going to kick you on ur a** at some point in life?
The Ups and Downs in life, and how that person handles it will ascertain you.
> Each experience in life makes you learn something.
Yes, thats what I meant, one must learn from experiences. When you get hurt it really feels very bad. The emotional trauma for few is unsurmountable. Becoz when sex becomes part of rship you have reached the highest regards for that
rship with respects to emotions, trust and honesty.
And you will never give this another person same level of attributes, trust, love which you gave in your prior rship.
-AJ
Amit
Marriage and Religion have nuthing to do with my post.
MARRIAGE is just a physical metaphor for the impalpable type of love that is needed from both people for a r'ship to reach its maximum potential.
I feel that it is a loving relationship that pushes sex, not MARRIAGE. Promiscuity is ingrained in our nature which is defined by the Creator himself.
What makes sex any different than any other instinct like eating good food, wearing comfortable clothes, BESIDES the CUTURAL and SOCIETAL consequences???
There are loads scenarios to minimize the consequences and maximise the benefits, but it is far from being an issue of morality.
have "free sex" after getting married. Its impossible.
How is it similar to visiting a brothel and "paying" up for a night?
AJ
I've answered most of your questions in my reply to Amit.
Marriage and Religion have nuthing to do with my post.
Religion may not have anything to do with ur post I agree. But what about Marriage? The moment you talk about pre-marital sex arent you talking about sex before marriage. You might well ignore it but it has to do with your post.
I talked about religion because of a reply that you gave. that was related to a reply of yours.
have "free sex" after getting married. Its impossible.
How is it similar to visiting a brothel and "paying" up for a night?
This doesn't quite sound like you niki. such a contempt towards marriage. no its not the same as going to a brothel. When people get married they spend their lives together. It's in this sense that I said its not free. It requires responsibility, it requires care and it requires concern.
And most people are fully aware of this before they get married. Even those who are not aware, change in marriage over years and become better human beings.
Pre marital sex is like going to a brothel and paying for a night i believe.
and it also involves paying a lot later, in terms guilt later, which in a majority of cases is involved however strong willed you be in the begining, at the end of the day people do end up feeling self-defeated in most such relationships.
MARRIAGE is just a physical metaphor for the impalpable type of love that is needed from both people for a r'ship to reach its maximum potential.
Certainly not. Thats a limited view....a very limited view. Marriage is living together ....
and love grows. in all the pre marital relationships love grows to a point and does not grow beyond. Mariiage is much more. Marriage teaches how to live, how to adjust, how to love inspite of diffrences.
What makes sex any different than any other instinct like eating good food, wearing comfortable clothes, BESIDES the CUTURAL and SOCIETAL consequences???
If you are saying its love, yes it may be... but sex is like any other instinct, in fact in many cases even love is like any other instinct....
What makes sex any different than any other instinct like eating good food, wearing comfortable clothes, BESIDES the CUTURAL and SOCIETAL consequences???
There are loads scenarios to minimize the consequences and maximise the benefits, but it is far from being an issue of morality.
If you understand morality, it encompasses every single aspect of our being.... everything .... even our fooding habits ... small little things like this.... thats how morality is .... how can you exclude sex?
I would agree that morality is not limited to sex, and thats how the society talks about morality.
Why people talk about avoiding pre-marital sex is because of a concern.... that's it
Your original post was about morality .... would you mind stating as to what do you think is morality.... what is it that makes our actions moral or not so moral ?....
your post says..
My say on this topic is that most people say that waiting for marriage will make sex much better, and that if you are not a virgin at the time of ur marriage, you are taking away something meant specially for your spouse. I want to know the 'reasoning' behind this.
Niki, you would have a reasoning better.
This arguement seems unreasonable.
I think not getting sexually involved before marriage is for oneself more than anyone else. It has little to do with quality of sex in marriage. It sure has to do with peace of mind and quality of relationship. It has to do with purity of heart, it has to do with control over senses, it has to do with our very own level of existence, it has to do with a lot more things than quality of sex post marriage. It has to do with being free of contradictions.
I believe that if you are truly in love, then there is nothing wrong in expressing your feelings by the art of touch. I am not advocating premarital sex per se. I am just saying I don't need a piece of paper to remind me who I love!
How many of you agree with abstinence of sex until marriage?. I do want to understand your thoughts on this
I am just saying I don't need a piece of paper to remind me who I love!
Marriage is not a piece of paper. If you love someone you should get married. If you dont get married to him, you should not get married, till you are not really prepared to actually love someone else. With the uncertainty of things involved, pre-marital sex adds another layer of complication to the whole issue.
We might say we are prepared for the consequences but the consequences are really bad at times... really bad.... whatever we say... when we say we are prepared we do not really have a clue of what we are talking about and I am sure many of us have experienced it, I think such involvements do cause layers of complexity in shall we say our heart (not the physical heart here) and the natural innocence, purity is lost. (I am talking about purity of heart and am not talking about virginity, virginity is no issue)
And why is it so important to actually prepare yourself for adverse consequences when you actually love someone so truly? I mean one can wait.... Its a matter of control... one can wait and get married.... No its not just about touch or sex.... once people get married there is a relationship... there is a physical bond apart from a bonding of two hearts .... and one can not exist without the other.... soul lives in a healthy body.... soul expresses itself though a healthy body.... so that bonding of hearts is also strengthened by marriage ....For this reason I think one should not only avoid sex .... one should also avoid being too deeply involved with another person of the opposite sex.... even the emotional involvement should be avoided.
I believe that if you are truly in love, then there is nothing wrong in expressing your feelings by the art of touch. I am not advocating premarital sex per se. I am just saying I don't need a piece of paper to remind me who I love!
How many of you agree with abstinence of sex until marriage?. I do want to understand your thoughts on this
Our understanding of being truly in love is kind of not very good and we should not trust our feelings of being truly in love before we get married.... thats because all these feelings are actually confusions on emotions... emotions are not permanent unlike love ... they come and they go.... else relationships would not fail.... Thats another reason one should getting too carried away by emotions....
Love /True love can not be judged its only when you have lived your life completely that you realise what true love is ..... before that its just about flowing.... with really fluid emotions ...
For a better insight into psychology of love please read
http://www.psychologyinspain.com/content/full/1998/9bis.htm
Amit
You've got me all wrong! I am not condemning marriage. For me marriage is as sacred a constitution, just as it is for you. I too, like you, believe in marriage and all the goodness that comes along with it.
You get married to someone who who reflects our taste and status, who sees us for who we are, who loves us for all the ‘right’ reasons, who helps us become the person we want to be. If we are ready to spend our entire life with someone, then why not engage in physical intimacy before we tie the knot. My posts talk of pre marital sex with the person you LOVE, and are looking forward to a long term r'ship. Ofcourse, irrespective of the fact whether things would work out the way you want in future.
I was not advocating sex for the pleasue of fun and just because it is the "IN" thing to do. My debate was that if pre-marital sex is wrong before marriage, then kissing, holding hands, or any other form of touch before marriage is also wrong. Why do we draw the line only when it comes to pre-marital sex?
Love is the emotion that makes the world go round and makes you do all the crazy thngs. I sure do agree with you on that, too.
I think all expression of love is wrong before marriage :) even words :) love is no dependent on expression either.
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