During our first talking sessions, Anish and I knew what kind of relationship we desired, but it has taken us more than vision to bring it to realization. We were up against conditioned patterns and lifelong habits. Neutralizing them would take practice, devotion, and time. Determined that we could do it, WE held fast to our vision and commitment.
Many factors contributed to the difficulties we experienced, particularly during the early months of our marriage. And then there were all the vast differences between us. In most personality traits, we represent opposite ends of the spectrum : I am detailed-oriented, Anish is a generalist; I favor strict parenting, he doesn't; I go to bed early, he stays up late; I'm a talker, he's a thinker; I manage money, he spends it. The list goes on, but you get the idea.
In the early months of our marriage, because neither of us knew how to deal with our differences, we frequently found ourselves in conflict. It wasn't the differences themselves that kept getting us in trouble, but our reactions to them. Like many couples, we attempted to do away with our differences by trying to change each other or ourselves. Homogenizing our personalities, and thus eliminating the sources of conflict, seemed at the time to be a good idea.
This strategy, we were to eventually discover, doesn't work. Instead, it produced further conflict, both within ourselves and between us.
Even the strongest bonds, however, are not immune to the toll that ongoing struggles can impose on the relationship. We knew there had to be another way, and that helped us make the leap from tolerating our differences to appreciating them. We knew, at least intellectually, that it was these differences that had drawn us and made us attractive to each other. Thus we discovered that what drove us crazy about each other and what we were crazy about in each other were one and the same thing. The challenge was neither to try to change the other nor be willing to change for them, but rather to honor our own uniqueness. The experiences that brought us to our knees made us the people we are, and the learning and recovery that went along with each one have shaped our relationship into the treasure it is now. Through the many unskillful ways we treated each other, we learned the meaning of true respect. More than any other relationship, marriage has the potential to awaken our deepest longings and needs, as well as our deepest pains and fears
Today we completed ONE YEAR of Marriage. Of togetherness, of fighting, of loving, of smiles and of compromises.
To you, with all my love:
Thank you for all the love that has sustained us through the ordeals, the power struggle and the disappointments. We shared experiences as a couple and as a family that were joyous beyond measure.
Happy Anniversary!
